I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
