Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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