I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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