i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
