so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
