when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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