i just wanna soil my oats bro
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
