no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They took my balls.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
