my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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