i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
