he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
