I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
