I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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