hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
