Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
