Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
