Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want her autograph on my taint
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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