wakey wakey hands off snakey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
