i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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