Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
worst night to have a conscience
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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