I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
