I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
