i think my tv is drunk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
