i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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