I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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