he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
