i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
