They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
