I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
