Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
