Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
