Capitaan dildo arrescate!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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