Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
