The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
