i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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