Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
