Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
