Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
