you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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