i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i will never coherently bang her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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