I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
