he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
