so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
