I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
