for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
