i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
