i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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