She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
