I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
