whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
