Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
