He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
only you would photoshop your dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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