Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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