she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
