He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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