She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
don't judge my taste in strippers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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